Friday, November 26, 2004

Thanksgiving came and went quietly. I baked a turkey, was bad and didn't put the turkey away as fast as possible after dinner, the cats helped themselves to turkey breast. We now just have dark meat left. My bad. I know this, but hey they have lots to be thankful for too right? It's only proper they had a bit of the bird with which to celebrate their comfy lives.

On a sad note, they broke one my Pistoulet bread plates. Also my bad. I shouldn't have left it sitting precariously on the edge of the sink. I got sidetracked, forgot to go back and put it in the dishwasher, and disaster ensued as Holly jumped up to lick the Coolwhip off the plate.

While spending some time catching up on blogs in the wee hours of the morning I slowly began to feel like such a slacker where my hobbies and creative outlets are concerned. How do these folks accomplish so much? Even when I didn't work I never managed to finish as much stuff as some of these ladies. I understand and embrace the fact that I have no focus. I bounce around aimlessly picking up project after project, putting one down and choosing another as boredom shows it's ugly face or as the spell of the new project wears off. I try so hard to finish things only to set them aside as the finish line draws near. What is up with that? Do I suffer from "fear of finishing?" Is there such an ailment? I know that these are hobbies. I don't sell anything, they are for my enjoyment and for the pleasure of those that I want to shower with my handmade gifts. The sad part is that I rarely finish anything to give as a gift. I started thinking how a friend of mine's daughters might love some funky scarves as Christmas gifts. It's almost December what am I thinking? I never manage to finish anything in a timely matter. I'm such a loser.

Maybe it's the full moon, maybe it's the cold whether showing it's face here on the Gulf Coast, I don't know but I have been overcome with a sadness. Especially when I reflect back on all the goals I set for myself this year, all the good intentions I had planned. I don't think I accomplished any of them. I did start a job. That was not in the plan. It was one of those things that just happened. It's enriched my life but also kind of taken over. The job got me out of the house and around people. That was a good thing. The hours are great, nice people to work with and a lot of the regular customers are wonderful folks. It's just gone from two days a week to four and some times five or six and seems to be the focus of my life. A job working at a BBQ pit on the side of the road has taken over my life. I miss my quiet, alone days. I have gotten to where I really dislike being around people when I'm not at work because they just get on my nerves. On my days off I find myself running here and there so that I can get back home and stay in for the next couple of days. I have to work today and I'm resenting it right now. I want to stay home with my kids. Yes, my kids that make me crazy. I want to be home with them. To talk and watch tv and just hang out. I don't want to leave them here while I go off to work.

Recently I've been struggling with being so far from family and my kids not being with their extended family over the holidays. What are they missing? Am I raising them to go out in the world with only their dad and I and their brothers as their family? Is that wrong? Honestly, there are times when I ache for family but 98% of the time even though I'm 600 miles away I'm still too close. Is this attitude hurting my kids? Will they too always be isolated from the rest of their family? Sometimes I think this is a huge mistake on my part. They need that connection, but at the same time do they need all the baggage that comes with those connections?

Can you tell I just really hate the whole holiday season? It just brings up all these issues that I need to get over. At least around our house there is no arguing about who's family gets Christmas Eve and who gets Christmas day. We're here at home both days. The kids told me last night they don't mind going to see family but they don't want to spend holidays with family and go out of town. So I guess I need to plan to go home occaisionally and get over the holiday guilt.

Plans for the Weekend

Ornaments are calling my name. I have the fabric and finally the thread for several ornaments, can't find the darn fabric though. Trust me it's in a safe place, just so safe that I have no clue what I've done with it. I need to stitch an ornament for a swap, and I want to make three stitching friends ornaments and I'd like to do an ornament for an online friend as a thank you for some clothes she sent me. They made my day and they all fit.

Knitting Progress

The BoogaBag is coming along slowly. I'm not happy with the way my stitches look so I'm going to take what I've done so far into the LYS on Saturday and let them look at it and tell me if it's looking like it should or I should just unravel and start over.


My Ode to Yarngirl is coming along nicely with the exception that single crochet afghans take forever! So far I've used two full skeins of Red Heart's Ranch Red and am now about halfway through a skein of Red Heart's Gold. I hope to finish off that skein this weekend, then crochet 5 SC rows of Ranch Red and then crochet a whole skein of Red Heart's Med. Thyme, after that depending on the size of the afghan I'll either crochet two or three full skeins of Ranch Red before ending the afghan with the same stripe sequence as the other end. The colors are gorgeous together and the Red Heart Farmland is going to make a beautiful SC edging for the whole afghan.

I have my Woolease afghan, the Crazy Quilt Coverlet from Simply Creative Crochet, ready to go, just can't start it until I get some other projects finished.


This weekend I hope to get some time to refresh myself on adding buttons to the blog and adding more links. I'm so stupid where this is concerned. I do it once then forget how. I need to add my 63 Squares Crochetalong button and can't for the life of me remember how to do it. I'm still participating in that CAL just never have to time to crochet the squares these days. I'm also not happy with my color choices and may scrap what I have and start over with something else.

Where is that Visually HTML book?

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