Wednesday, January 12, 2005

No Crafty News

Just a whine. Do you ever a plan? You see it, you just know it's meant to work out in your favor? It appears that it was meant to be? Then one night you get that slap in the face and realize that you've just been living in a dream world? That was me last night. Slapped so hard with reality that I almost uttered the "F" word in front of a bunch of kids. I stopped at "Fu". You see, I'm a renter. Only on one other occaision have I ever wanted to buy a house. It's a huge step, it's a lot of money and it's a major commitment, it means you're settling down, you're growing up, you aren't going to wander any more. A house on our street was going up for sale. I had talked to the nutcase owner many times about letting us know when she decided to sell. I was told over and over again, "You'll be the first one to know." It was all BS. She had told several other neighbors the same thing, they wanted to buy it as an investment, screw them. They have homes, I don't care they were mislead. It was nothing to them. I had the rest of my life planned around this. Yeah, I should know better. It was stupid I know. But I never dream about buying houses. It's just not me. This wasn't my dream house, but my middle son doesn't adjust to change very well, this would have just moved him a few houses up, he could stay on his bus, at his school and with his friends. I had so many plans, there was no doubt in my mind she'd let us know when she was ready to sell. We'd have given her just about anything she wanted for the house. The biggest heartbreak came when I found out the amount she took for the house. She just wanted to get rid of it. Wanted it sold. The man she sold it to told the neighbors he only paid $134,000. This house could have sold in 5 mins for $180,000. The financing for the $134,000 would have been so easy for us, especially since property values in our area are skyrocketing so much so that 99% of the homes are now out of our price range. I know it's wrong, I shouldn't have planned so much around this house. I knew who and what I was dealing with but.....

Anyway, I spent the night crying into my pillow, I'd skip work today if wouldn't cause complete and utter chaos, I know life goes on, it's a stupid house, we're happy where we are, we don't mind renting, it wasn't even my dream house. I just wish I could let it go. I'm just hoping I'll be over it in a little bit. I can't stop crying.

I never realized how much emotion I had invested in this goal.

To top it off, I pull into work Monday morning and I see a sign "restaurant for sale". I ask, "What did I miss over the weekend?" Come to find out, the land is for sale, the restaurant will be relocated. Not a problem as it's a BBQ trailer on the side of the highway. As much as I've complained about working more than I ever intended, I was sick to my stomach thinking I might not have this place to go to every day, where I truly like the people and we all get along 95% of the time. Did I envision myself selling BBQ when I was 40? No, of course not. But it fits in with my family, our schedules. While it's not mentally stimulating, it's enriched my life. I know sounds silly even to me, but it's true. It's around the corner from my house so I spend very little in gas, I work when the kids are in school, I'm home just a few minutes after they get home, it's pretty comfortable.

Maybe finding my comfort zone is the problem. I should never get comfortable or content with anything.

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